Irish Author and Journalist - Danny Morrison

Pressies Galour!

Do you have a sister or a brother whom you don’t particularly like? Or a nosy neighbour? Then why not buy their child a full drumkit for Christmas? Then, from six on Christmas morning until the drumkit is booted through the window by spoilsport mammy and daddy, they’ll have to listen to young Ringo, which isn’t easy with a hangover.

Or what about putting a little Rubic Cube into the nephew’s stocking? That can be fun. See if daddy can solve the problem before St Patrick’s Day. There are only 1,929,770,126,028,800 different colour combinations to be eliminated. Or what about a family game of Monopoly! It can distract for up to 39 seconds or less. Meccano sets are also a favourite, especially those with the complicated winches and chains. Look mammy, my crane can lift the turkey off the table! Personalised jewellery, with enough super glue for up to one thousand razor-sharp beads, can be got in Cheap Skates for your favourite niece.

For young scientists there are still good chemistry sets around, despite the Prevention of Terrorism Act. Let Johnny discover if salpetre flavours the stuffing or if mercury can float in Christmas pudding. Learn all about the different varieties of genetically-modified stink bombs.

But what to get your own son? What about a non-PC cowboy costume! If you think your son could grow up to be the next MP for West Belfast, forget about decommissioning and buy him those holsters and six-shooters! Full outfit consists of felt sombrero, bolero, chaparajos and mutton dummies. Available (without horse) from Robbs or London Mantle Warehouse. It happened once, it could happen twice! Train your boy now for Dail Eireann!

Okay, seriously, it is the Monday before Christmas, and you have yet to buy some presents and you have ran out of ideas. Here are some suggestions.

Beech Hall Centre on the Andersonstown Road is selling a variety of nativity sets, table and mantlepiece arrangements of holly, greenery, candles and ribbons made by the day-care members, proceeds going towards the members’ social and leisure activities. Check beforehand for availability (tel. 90622939). Shopping locally there are many places you can buy Irish crafts but perhaps the best is the Art Shop on the Falls Road, above Sevastopol Street. It has a wide variety of artefacts including wooden harps, Roisin Doherty’s famous hand-painted glasses, Celtic wall plates, candles and mouse mats and a selection of turf crafts. They have also a fine collection of children’s books on Irish history, folk and fairy tales and poetry, as well as a large selection of political books and novels.

Anyone who was at Clonard Monastery last February would have been an immediate convert - if they weren’t so already - to Mozart’s ‘Requiem’ which was performed brilliantly by the Ulster Orchestra, in a venture jointly organised by Feile an Phobail. Best CD recordings of the Requiem are William Christie’s Les Arts Florissants (Erato label) or by the Choir of St John’s College and the English Chamber Orchestra (Chandos label). If you like solemn religious music other great pieces in this vein are Brahms’ ‘Requiem’ and Faure’s ‘Requiem’.

The best films are the oldies and the best Christmas film ever is ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, a black and white from the 1940s starring James Stewart and Donna Reid. I mentioned this to a class recently and was surprised at how many people had never seen it, given that it’s usually repeated every year! Anyway, it’s the story of a good guy, George Bailey, who is facing bankruptcy and imprisonment for alleged embezzlement. It is set on Christmas Eve when he is at the end of his tether and decides to commit suicide. He wishes he was never born and he is granted his wish. The film reveals what the world and his town would have been like without him. It is an absolutely brilliant film and is available on video.

I love giving and receiving books. Christy Moore’s ‘One Voice’ hardly needs a plug, but it gets another one anyway because of all the good work he does. I have the book but I don’t know if he tells the story about the time a critic for a San Francisco newspaper went along to report on one of his concerts and wrote that when he came on stage the reporter thought that he was there to move the piano!

Books that are at the top of the best sellers downtown include recent publications from Bishop Edward Daly, Maeve Binchy, Terry Pratchett and Bill Bryson. But the oldies, again, are the best. If it’s to lighten up someone’s life then give them a copy of ‘Don Quixote’ by Cervantes, ‘Catch 22’ by the later Joseph Heller, ‘The Poor Mouth’ by Flann O’Brien or the brilliant ‘The Confederacy of Dunces’ by John Kennedy Toole. Supply nappies.

Finally, let’s face it, over this next week we’re all going to eat like pigs and drink like Mama Cass who can’t sue. One last tip. In a one-minute kiss under the mistletoe you can burn up to twenty-six calories. But in a four-minute mile, chased by her husband, you can lose up to a stone.

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